Post-op day #1 (Saturday)

I slept all day and all night. For 24 hours I was in the same position and once I realized that and the fact I couldn’t move, the panic set it. Cords and tubes everywhere and a ridiculous amount of pain. Can’t bend, can’t sit, can’t scooch, can’t use my arms, can’t lay flat, can’t breathe. I felt like every move I made my stomach was going to rip open. The abdominal incision goes all the way across my belly and stops several inches past my hips on both sides. I was getting a PCA pump (Patient controlled analgesic)- of Dilaudid. It dispensed a continuous basal rate but then I could push the button every 15 as needed. That was working well except for the fact that I was out of it, unable to stay on top of the pain. I found myself being snockered, then waking up and not being on top of my pain. I cried, a lot. Everything hurts. Everything was going to rip or burst; but worst of all was the back pain from “laying” in bed. At this point in time, I seriously don’t know how I’m going to make it when I get discharged from the hospital. Or even when I get home for that matter.

Ok, so they took my catheter out and switched me to oral pain pills and a few other things. I struggled so much trying to get out of that bed with 3 people helping me, including Daxton...he is such a trooper and perfect care taker. I finally got to the edge of the bed and just sat there. The nurses are so sweet, they are so attentive and you know they have so much compassion. Eventually I was able to get up and stagger to the bathroom. My other nurse Natalie was so sweet and also abrupt with how I was standing “Why you bend your knees? Stand up, look up” (in her Russian accent). Yes I’m trying to do a lot of that, standing up and looking up.

My day nurse Terri has the BRCA gene too and got all her surgeries in 2009. It was amazing to hear her story and know that she went through the exact thing I’m going through. However, she lost her mom and sister to breast cancer; but she did all the preventative surgeries here in New Orleans and said she has no regrets. She’s living a beautiful and happy life.

I walked around the halls all hunched over but only made it half way before I was so winded. Later that day I was able to make it all the way aroun. Super sleepy and just need to rest. Even though this journey is tough, I know I’m where in need to be and doing the things that I need to do. I cannot express enough how Heavenly Father has directed us in this. He is real and ever so mindful of us and our situations. These aren’t easy things, but God has given me the understanding and strength to get through. Our surrender to Heavenly Father is really the only gift we can offer to Him. Any other gift we have to give, He already gave it to us. It’s a difficult concept to understand and even practice, but I swear its been the only way that I’ve been able to see His direct influence in my life. 

My pain is better controlled now, just super sleepy. Each day will get better and better. My dear friend Brittney is now watching my kid and my little sister just left. The ward has brought meals and drove my kids places and it’s the most humbling feeling to be in such wonderful watchful care and service. Oh, and my sister had her baby-so that was fun to FaceTime and check up on each other. A big thank you to everyone. One day at a time!

Love and sanitizer,

Alisa & Dax