Sweetest of all sweet homes!
The airports were bare and food was scarce. Daxton and I had been cooped up in the American Cancer Society Hope Lodge, living off of Lean Cuisine microwavable dinners and Ensure nutrition shakes for the past 5 days recovering after my double mastectomy. Let's be honest though, the real tragedy was being stuck in New Orleans- the city of the best seafood and Cajun food around, and everything was shut down. Needless to say, we were ready to bust that joint and start our journey home to our three babies back in the land of Idaho potatoes.
We approached the airport fully masked and gloved. Every little "ah-choo" and every slight "a-hem" sent us running (actually, wheeling) the opposite direction. When we left to Louisiana, the Coronavirus outbreak wasn't quite an outbreak yet, or else I'm sure we wouldn't have gone. What were we truly walking in to now a whole week later? Our knowledge of the outside world had been quite stunted for the last week as we focused on my hour by hour recovery at the Hope Lodge. We quickly learned of how widespread this virus has impacted each continent, particularly our own. Quite nerve wracking to say the least, I was so sorry for those who have been afflicted thus far. Every news station was protesting to stay home, stay home, stay home...I would happily do that. I just needed to get home first! We were ecstatic to get our hands on some pre-packaged beef jerky and Smart Choice snack packs as we waited to board our flight.
Intercom interruptions urged us to stay at least 6 feet away from each other throughout our travels. That wasn’t hard to do because, well- nobody was there. A total of 15 people boarded on our first flight to Las Vegas. That was more people than we had seen in 6 days! The flight attendants thanked Daxton for cleaning the plane with such precision! He was not about to watch his wife endure a recent double mastectomy and reconstruction and become even close to going down with this corona crap. The people practically applauded him. (Side note, he truly does deserve an award for Nurse/Care Taker of the Year, he has been so amazing.) He got me all situated and cuddled up with my big body pillow on my very own first class row, not seat. That was sort of amazing. We hooked up my leg compressions, sanitized a few more times and tried to sleep.
Our layover in Vegas lasted just long enough to get into the wheelchair and hustle to the next gate. Again, they boarded all 11 passengers in less than 5 minutes. We were almost home!
I journaled that whole hour. My swollen hands couldn't write fast enough of all of the miracles and blessings that I had encountered during this journey. Maybe I'll have to write a book about it someday because I truly know without a doubt and want to share how much the Lord loves His children. I know He loves me. He knows me so well; it's unbelievable, but mostly reassuring. Mostly really, really comforting.
I used to think I had to figure everything out, have it all together and be in charge of every outcome (it's kind of a nurse thing too!) But I've learned through this experience-I don't! If I spent all my time trying to figure out every detail of my life, trying to fix and accomplish and produce it all- where is there any room for a loving Heavenly Father to play His role?? Do we just get so busy easily asking Siri in order to get everything in "perfect order" to maybe impress ourselves and others around us....that we forget that there is a loving God who knows us better than we know ourselves? Let's not forget as we try to contain our own chaos and create our own "perfect orderly lives" and solve all the problems that be: God is the one that organized chaos from the beginning quite perfectly- He created the heavens. He formed the earth. He divided the light from the dark and the land from the waters. I'm pretty sure we should allow Him a little more room and a little more time to do what He sets out to do, and yes that applies to individuals as well as a human race.
Part of God's role is to teach, to guide, to love, and to support us. He can't do that if we always act like we are the know-it-alls. At some point, we have to be stopped. Is that's what's happening right now? Maybe, maybe not. But for me and my journey, it was obvious. The madness of me trying to figure everything out all the time with my BRCA gene mutation and cancer risks and latest research had to be stopped and compelled to chill the heck out. I would definitely continue do my part but I had to ask God for help. I turned to God to take the lead over this troublesome worry I had carried every hour of every day, a much smarter and much less exhausting choice.
I planted a seed of faith 15 months ago when I considered a preventative mastectomy and turned to God in earnest, desperate prayer.
It is not an issue of intelligence or evolution or the nitty-gritty details of is there a God or not. To me, it's more about the simple concept of creating a relationship- which requires effort and putting into it what you'd want to get out of it-with God. Only after the effort, after the simple prayer, after a humble heart and contrite spirit, can you truly see and feel the obvious things that only come through this avenue. God learned really quickly that I trusted Him and needed Him amidst devastating and paralyzing fears and unknowns this past year. Being told you have a huge predisposition to breast cancer and then having tumors pop up out of nowhere completely shook me. I had to act, but just not alone- that was the key.
We approached the airport fully masked and gloved. Every little "ah-choo" and every slight "a-hem" sent us running (actually, wheeling) the opposite direction. When we left to Louisiana, the Coronavirus outbreak wasn't quite an outbreak yet, or else I'm sure we wouldn't have gone. What were we truly walking in to now a whole week later? Our knowledge of the outside world had been quite stunted for the last week as we focused on my hour by hour recovery at the Hope Lodge. We quickly learned of how widespread this virus has impacted each continent, particularly our own. Quite nerve wracking to say the least, I was so sorry for those who have been afflicted thus far. Every news station was protesting to stay home, stay home, stay home...I would happily do that. I just needed to get home first! We were ecstatic to get our hands on some pre-packaged beef jerky and Smart Choice snack packs as we waited to board our flight.
Intercom interruptions urged us to stay at least 6 feet away from each other throughout our travels. That wasn’t hard to do because, well- nobody was there. A total of 15 people boarded on our first flight to Las Vegas. That was more people than we had seen in 6 days! The flight attendants thanked Daxton for cleaning the plane with such precision! He was not about to watch his wife endure a recent double mastectomy and reconstruction and become even close to going down with this corona crap. The people practically applauded him. (Side note, he truly does deserve an award for Nurse/Care Taker of the Year, he has been so amazing.) He got me all situated and cuddled up with my big body pillow on my very own first class row, not seat. That was sort of amazing. We hooked up my leg compressions, sanitized a few more times and tried to sleep.
Our layover in Vegas lasted just long enough to get into the wheelchair and hustle to the next gate. Again, they boarded all 11 passengers in less than 5 minutes. We were almost home!
I journaled that whole hour. My swollen hands couldn't write fast enough of all of the miracles and blessings that I had encountered during this journey. Maybe I'll have to write a book about it someday because I truly know without a doubt and want to share how much the Lord loves His children. I know He loves me. He knows me so well; it's unbelievable, but mostly reassuring. Mostly really, really comforting.
I used to think I had to figure everything out, have it all together and be in charge of every outcome (it's kind of a nurse thing too!) But I've learned through this experience-I don't! If I spent all my time trying to figure out every detail of my life, trying to fix and accomplish and produce it all- where is there any room for a loving Heavenly Father to play His role?? Do we just get so busy easily asking Siri in order to get everything in "perfect order" to maybe impress ourselves and others around us....that we forget that there is a loving God who knows us better than we know ourselves? Let's not forget as we try to contain our own chaos and create our own "perfect orderly lives" and solve all the problems that be: God is the one that organized chaos from the beginning quite perfectly- He created the heavens. He formed the earth. He divided the light from the dark and the land from the waters. I'm pretty sure we should allow Him a little more room and a little more time to do what He sets out to do, and yes that applies to individuals as well as a human race.
Part of God's role is to teach, to guide, to love, and to support us. He can't do that if we always act like we are the know-it-alls. At some point, we have to be stopped. Is that's what's happening right now? Maybe, maybe not. But for me and my journey, it was obvious. The madness of me trying to figure everything out all the time with my BRCA gene mutation and cancer risks and latest research had to be stopped and compelled to chill the heck out. I would definitely continue do my part but I had to ask God for help. I turned to God to take the lead over this troublesome worry I had carried every hour of every day, a much smarter and much less exhausting choice.
I planted a seed of faith 15 months ago when I considered a preventative mastectomy and turned to God in earnest, desperate prayer.
"Should I, should I not?
"Hey, you know I've been considering this vs this, what do you think?"
"You know, this feels scary, but do you think it's a good idea?"
"Hey again, it's me. I learned about this today and it got me thinking about this solution. I think I'm going to go with it. But will you help me to know for certain? Will you help me know if I shouldn't proceed?"
"Dear Heavenly Father, you've blessed me with a keen mind, a sensitive spirit, medical knowledge, and plenty of overwhelming options. I'm scared. Please comfort me."
Whether you believe in God or a higher power or not, I can testify that there is an undeniable power that is present when you surrender-when you admit you don't know it all, when you admit you need help or don't have all that it takes. It's an indescribable feeling, one that brings security. It’s like-scrambling around trying to piece our lives is supposed to bring us security; when in reality, stopping, asking for help and relying on God is truly what brings that sought after sense of security. Then you will see for yourself, how obvious it is that you are loved and you are known and you matter. You really can have peace in the middle of life’s storms.
It is not an issue of intelligence or evolution or the nitty-gritty details of is there a God or not. To me, it's more about the simple concept of creating a relationship- which requires effort and putting into it what you'd want to get out of it-with God. Only after the effort, after the simple prayer, after a humble heart and contrite spirit, can you truly see and feel the obvious things that only come through this avenue. God learned really quickly that I trusted Him and needed Him amidst devastating and paralyzing fears and unknowns this past year. Being told you have a huge predisposition to breast cancer and then having tumors pop up out of nowhere completely shook me. I had to act, but just not alone- that was the key.
Through this journey, there were many times I acted like I knew more than God, like I had control of the situation, because 'I'm so smart and I can do hard things', right? But He has allowed me to be humbled through my afflictions. He probably knew this corona virus outbreak was going to cause surgeries around the country to be canceled. He knew how devastating that would be to me, especially after all the mental and physical preparation that went into this surgery for my original date of April 22nd. I got a very scary looking "cancerous" tumor less than 2 months ago that expedited my preventative surgery by 6 weeks. This scary "cancerous" tumor was confirmed yesterday as "non-cancerous", but that tumor is the very reason I am now sitting here at home recovering, thanking God for taking the lead in this situation and allowing me to be the last patient to get this surgery before the doors closed at NOLA due to coronavirus precautions.
After journaling on the plane, I read in the Book of Mormon, Alma chapter 32. Early in the chapter, the people came to the prophet Alma and were so discouraged- they had no place to worship God, they were kicked out of the synagogues, they were rejected because of their poverty. Their afflictions were so great.
"When the prophet Alma heard this, he turned him about, his face immediately towards him, and he beheld with great joy; for he beheld that their afflictions had truly humbled them, and that they were in a preparation to hear the word."
Their afflictions prepared them to be taught and to learn the things from God. So then, Alma taught them of faith, hope and humility, what it is and what it isn't. He taught how to nourish faith as if it were a little seed. And that if they neglected the seed or the tree and bring it no nourishment, it will not get any root. In verse 41, "But if ye will nourish the word, yea, nourish the tree as it beginneth to grow, by your faith with great diligence, and with patience, looking forward to the fruit thereof, it shall take root; and behold it shall be a tree springing up unto everlasting life. And because of your diligence and your faith and your patience, with the word in nourishing it, that it may take root in you, behold, by and by ye shall pluck the fruit thereof, which is most precious, which is sweet above all that is sweet, and which is white above all that is white, yea, and pure above all that is pure; and ye shall feast upon this fruit even until ye are filled, that ye hunger not, neither shall ye thirst. Then, my brethren, ye shall reap the rewards of your faith, and your diligence, and patience, and long-suffering, waiting for the tree to bring forth fruit unto you."
A living prophet on the earth today will speak to us all April 3 and April 4th. I think we all can say that our afflictions have caused us to be humble and be prepared to hear the words of God through a living prophet. I really think God wants us to listen to Him, and if anything- it will give us a sense of security and comfort as we trust Him to take the lead during such uncertain times. I really do think the silver lining in this virus outbreak is that it's causing us all to slow down and realign ourselves with God. I know that's what my afflictions have done for me. Click the link to #HearHim.
For now, I'm going to watch my babies as they sleep soundly.
Wash your hands,
Alisa
For now, I'm going to watch my babies as they sleep soundly.
Wash your hands,
Alisa
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